Olive Garden Blunders. Be not alarmed!

So, as I sit here, wasting precious time on facebook, I decided to do something constructive. I have decided to write down all of my crazy blunders that happen to me while I'm working at Olive Garden. However, not just my own blunders, but blunders of my coworkers as well. He he he... (Evil laugh)

Firstly, Olive Garden seems to take over your mind the minute you are hired. It becomes your life. It becomes your very SOUL.

Just thought I'd let you in on that small detail.

Well, let me think. Oh yeah! You know those times when you see a person and you can't tell if it's a guy or a girl? And it bugs you for the rest of the day? We get people like that who come in to the OG. The problem is, as a host, you're supposed to engage in delightful conversation with them and be all bouncy and chipper!

It's hard to be bouncy and chipper when you're trying not to stare at them for too long figuring out what gender they are.

When they respond to a question you ask them like- "Isn't the weather just LOVELY?" *Quick stare/turn* The hope of, Yes! I can tell by the voice if it's a male or female whatever, rises only to be dashed when you can't tell at all! It's like a unisex voice! This complex problem makes me sweat just thinking about it.

My cute coworker, Ashley, accidentally mistook a girl for a guy once. We totally thought she was a HE also, but poor Ashley got to seat him-I mean HER. When she handed a menu to the woman across from the she-man she said, "Here you are ma'am." When she handed the she-man the menu, she said, "Here you are sir." When she scuttled back to the host stand she realized her mistake. The sir wasn't really a sir. We were all laughing-quietly of course. Sigh. Oh Ashley. My favorite.

One time I was cleaning a table and picked up a black book that had a cash tip in it. I didn't realize it had coins, so when I over eagerly picked it up, a quarter went flying out of it, only to land in the plate of a table behind me. I was mortified. Part of me wanted to just run away like it never happened, but I had to go and clean up the mess I made. The table thought I was pretty funny, but my face was burning from embarrassment.

I've been replacing paper towels in the bathroom when guys have walked in thinking it is the men's bathroom. The look that they get on their faces...so funny.

I never forget a face. So when I see people I recognize I always go: "Hey! I know you!" They never seem to remember me, because they always give me freaked out looks. Sigh.

There was an older lady who was waiting for- who I thought was her husband- to park. I told her I could take her to the table and direct her husband to where she was. She gave me this look and said, It's my son. The sad thing is, the son looked as old as her and could totally be her hubby.

Once, I was seating this couple and the woman and I started teasing date/boyfriend/husband/wha

tever. We were teasing him how men have selective memory loss and hearing. It was pretty funny. I went back to get something from another table when I saw that the woman was gone. I shook my head and said, "So she left ya huh?" He smiled and replied, "No, she's in the bathroom." I laughed and said, "So that's what they're calling it these days!" He gives me this scared look and mumbles: "Actually this is our first date and I'm scared out of my mind!" I felt so bad!

One day, I brought in a pen that shocks you and strategically placed it around places that ToGo! Specialists or managers would use it. It was so funny seeing the different people get shocked and throw the pen across the restaurant!

Sometimes I hide by the doors and scare people walking in. I scared the pants off my manager Blake! Ha ha! I've never seen someone move that fast before!

Brittany H. and I sometimes break out into song or dance when we're not on a wait and the front is empty. People walk by and see us. It's slightly embarrassing, but at least it's entertaining right?

Walmart Woes: I mean, seriously?! Come on!

Today as I was waiting in line for the self check out I came to the realization that some people should NOT under ANY circumstances be allowed to do the self check out. I'm not even kidding you. I was behind two people. TWO. Who barely had anything in their carts, but the person proceeding through the check out was like a 95 year old man who has no idea how to use electronics.

This should have been the first red flag that this small Walmart jaunt would take me a lifetime. But no. I had to remain stubborn and stay in the line thinking: "Oh it'll be alright. It wont take that long. The person in front of me only has a few items and she's only slightly gray. It'll be good." Foolish thoughts of a naive girl. I am no longer an innocent of the Walmart Self Checkout.

After the old man FINALLY teetered away with his cart- that was keeping him standing and walking he was that old- the woman in front of me started to scan her items. Only a few.

I was so relieved, but when she started scanning the first of like six sets of plastic knives I noticed something dead wrong. She would grab it very slowly with one hand, look for the bar code then scan. Grab the next set of the EXACT SAME ITEM. Look all over it for the bar code. Then scan. After the third I could not believe she couldn't remember where the freaking bar code was! She looked every time! I mean hello! It's in the same spot as the others you just scanned.

When she moved on the the four cans of green beans I knew I was in for a show. *Reach....Grab...Turn...Lo

ok...Look...Look AGAIN, then scan!* This happened four times. I actually started laughing! I tried to remain quiet, but I just couldn't help it! This was so ridiculous it was funny!

To get the last few sets of cans she had to reach all the way over her cart and attempt to grab them. Like super stretch. I almost wanted to tell her about the wondrous green button that can actually move the black thing we set items down on! But, no. I didn't. I saved that piece of information for myself. Ha! Take that Walmart Woman of Bewilderment!