So as I was driving home today from work on roads of pure ice, I realized something....I have had some pretty death-defying experiences! Don't assume though that they are all crazy superspazmatic exciting though. Sometimes they were simple things...Like escaping my mom wielding a spatula or my brother with a pair of stinky socks. These are however, in and of themselves death-defying. Don't you think?
1. This one time I was having a sleepover with my best friend Karen Roper. We decided to borrow a movie from my friend down the street. So, at like 10:00pm, we go waltzing down the road laughing and goofing off when I see this HUGE dog just ahead in the neighbor's yard. I slowed down trying to figure out what kind of dog it was when I realized it was a COUGAR!
I stopped dead in my tracks and my arm flew out to stop my friend. I started whispering "There is a cougar up there, back away slowly." And I start to back up as quietly as possible. My friend-being the extremely awesome person that she is- was all: "Huh? What?" Kinda loudly. I shhhh-ed her and continued my chant of "Back away slowly." When I lost sight of the cougar in some bushes, I ran.
I have never ran so fast in my entire life, let me just tell you.
Every step I took, every heartbeat I had I could feel the cougar chasing me, getting ready to pounce...Then there it was! The front door! I burst through it, and skidded into my parents room gasping for air.
"There is a COUGAR IN HALL'S YARD!" I wheezed as loud as I could. My parent's stopped reading their books and looked at me. "Where's Karen?" I totally froze. "Oh shoot. Um, she didn't run fast enough?"
Right when I said this though there was a loud SLAM! Karen comes staggering into the room and points a finger at me and growls: "YOU! You left me to be EATEN!!
Let's just say that we locked the doors that night. We never did find that cougar though. But I escaped death from Karen!
2. When I was little I was attacked my friend's Dalmatian. I was hurt pretty bad, but I recovered and I love dogs now! Weird huh? I didn't even lose my finger!
3. My mom once found out I had some dirt on her that I got from my Aunt and she flipped out cause she wanted to know what I knew and started to strangle me-not in a killer kind of way, more like a motherly way....? Anyways, she threatened to rip my braces off and all kinds of bodily harm but I never caved. ha ha.
4. I jumped down a whole flight of stairs chasing my sister cause she stole my Doritoes. NOBODY steals my Doritoes! After jumping down them a couple times, I ended up landing wrong and broke my leg. It was pretty cool. Hurt though...
5. When I was like nine I was almost kidnapped at Walmart. The tapes of the Safety Kids my mom made me listen to were the things that saved me ha ha. I ended up hiding in a group of ladies from this guy and got away.
6. I got hit by a car. Ha ha (This is a slight exaggeration, but not really!)
7. I have held twelve wine glasses in my hands and didn't drop one! *knocks on wood*
8. I survived girls camp.
9. I survived Jr. High.
10. I survived my sister Savannah's attacks. ( When we were little) Though I bear scars.
11. I was nearly electrocuted by our TV.
12. And lastly that I can think of, I was hit in the forehead by a swing see-saw thing. I have a dent in my forehead and everything! You can't really tell unless I scrunch my forehead, but it's still there. I think I passed out from it, but I can't remember much. All I see is a bench swinging towards my head. And that's it.
If I remember anymore I'll post 'em. Ha ha
Oh wait! My brother once got really mad at me and threw a glass at my head and it hit me in the forehead. (What's up with my head? Geeze!) It totally cut open and was gushing blood everywhere. I still have this scar on my face too.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Parry-isms! Coming soon to an entertainment system near you!
Due to the fact that I am waiting to receive a life in the mail I've decided to write another note-thingy! I've already cleaned my entire bedroom-which I enjoyed far too much for a teenager, mopped the floor (Half by hand because I broke the mop.) And cleaned the living room. I have nothing left to do except write something to keep my mind busy. So here we are, funny quotes from my family! We call them parry-isms!
"I'm sorry! Those doughnuts sure do look attractive!"- My little sister Caroline stated this when she was seven I think. I caught her eye-balling my glazed and chocolate and gave her a pointed look. She totally caught me off guard and cracked me up!
"Attack the flies! Not each other, dirt balls!" - My mom hollered this to my little brother Ammon and myself when we were in our Mormon Assault Vehicle. We were in some random town in Idaho passing through and there were MILLIONS of flies. I'm not even kidding. They kept getting into our suburban and we were attacking them. Ammon and I then turned and got into a catfight for entertainment's sake and my mom freaked out.
“MOM’S RABID!!” – My little brother was screaming this and running around our campsite as my mother emerged from the bushes brushing her teeth. She had some toothpaste on the side of her face. I was laughing so hard.
“It’s alright! The deer is okay!” –Me
“The deer is okay? What about MY CAR!?! Stupid deer I’m going to hunt you down and freaking EAT YOU!!” – Savannah
~Later that day~
“You hit a deer?” –Mom
“No, the deer hit US!” – Me. This happened over the fourth of July up in Roosevelt. There was this deer practically jogging next to the car as we were driving on this dirt road going like 15MPH. Suddenly, it veered off and head butt my sister’s car. It dented in her door. She was furious. Deer are extreme suicidal creatures.
“What’s a cow with a wig?”
“Your mom.” – Ammon and Caroline had this conversation while we were up camping at Duck Creek. My dad- who was drinking a soda at the campfire- snorted and started to cough. I was laughing my head off.
“The aliens are coming! THE ALIENS ARE COMING!” – My mom likes to shriek this periodically and turn the lights on and off in my bedroom while I am reading.
“If you keep it up I’m going to…uh…. Pop your zit BEFORE its time!” –My mom said this trying to come up with a threat. It didn’t strike fear into anyone’s heart.
“Ronald McDonald had probably committed suicide a ton of times, but he keeps getting resurrected by the Clown Foundation.” – Ammon said this once just out of the blue and it cracked me up so bad I had to write it down.
“Missy’s knees are double jointed!” – Ammon
“Your brain is double jointed!” - My mom.
*Peals of laughter* - Me, Caroline, my Dad.
Be a FrOoTLOoP in a world of cheerios people!
"I'm sorry! Those doughnuts sure do look attractive!"- My little sister Caroline stated this when she was seven I think. I caught her eye-balling my glazed and chocolate and gave her a pointed look. She totally caught me off guard and cracked me up!
"Attack the flies! Not each other, dirt balls!" - My mom hollered this to my little brother Ammon and myself when we were in our Mormon Assault Vehicle. We were in some random town in Idaho passing through and there were MILLIONS of flies. I'm not even kidding. They kept getting into our suburban and we were attacking them. Ammon and I then turned and got into a catfight for entertainment's sake and my mom freaked out.
“MOM’S RABID!!” – My little brother was screaming this and running around our campsite as my mother emerged from the bushes brushing her teeth. She had some toothpaste on the side of her face. I was laughing so hard.
“It’s alright! The deer is okay!” –Me
“The deer is okay? What about MY CAR!?! Stupid deer I’m going to hunt you down and freaking EAT YOU!!” – Savannah
~Later that day~
“You hit a deer?” –Mom
“No, the deer hit US!” – Me. This happened over the fourth of July up in Roosevelt. There was this deer practically jogging next to the car as we were driving on this dirt road going like 15MPH. Suddenly, it veered off and head butt my sister’s car. It dented in her door. She was furious. Deer are extreme suicidal creatures.
“What’s a cow with a wig?”
“Your mom.” – Ammon and Caroline had this conversation while we were up camping at Duck Creek. My dad- who was drinking a soda at the campfire- snorted and started to cough. I was laughing my head off.
“The aliens are coming! THE ALIENS ARE COMING!” – My mom likes to shriek this periodically and turn the lights on and off in my bedroom while I am reading.
“If you keep it up I’m going to…uh…. Pop your zit BEFORE its time!” –My mom said this trying to come up with a threat. It didn’t strike fear into anyone’s heart.
“Ronald McDonald had probably committed suicide a ton of times, but he keeps getting resurrected by the Clown Foundation.” – Ammon said this once just out of the blue and it cracked me up so bad I had to write it down.
“Missy’s knees are double jointed!” – Ammon
“Your brain is double jointed!” - My mom.
*Peals of laughter* - Me, Caroline, my Dad.
Be a FrOoTLOoP in a world of cheerios people!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Well, because I'm extremely bored- and I'm sick of cleaning the family room so my best friend Erica can sleep over- I've decided to get all of these wonderfully humiliating moments off my chest.
Now, some of these moments may not seem that bad to the average human mind, however to me these incidents had me wishing to hide under the nearest rock. I am very weak to the feelings of guilt and embarrassment and quite often enough these emotions rule my mind at times. Remember, If you can't say something nice... don't say anything at all -or I will jump out of your closet and kill your face. :)
1. In one of my previous notes I stated that I have been mis-fortunate enough to run into a tree. That is true. However, the story behind this aught to clear up any misconception.
It happened when my entire extended Parry family went camping one summer at Starvation. (A place that had nothing to entertain children, but one small swing-set.) It was dusk and all of the cousins decided to go to the swings and go crazy. I am very competitive. Also I am a very fast runner so in order to get one of the four swings I took off followed by all my cousins: The pack.
I was so excited cause I was a ways in front and I knew I'd get my swing when I slammed into something. I was disoriented and kinda hurt when the thing I hit started to bend and I fell, hitting my nose right smack dab onto a sprinkler head. I hit it hard. I lay there waiting for the pain to hit as all my cousins rushed past me, nearly trampling me to get to the swings. When I felt the pain I very well thought I had broken my nose, so I decided to start screaming it-waking up the entire camp. My dad ended up coming over and told me "Missy your nose isn't even bleeding."
2. I had a girl at school once ask me if I was lesbian. I had never done anything to make people think something like that because I am completely attracted to guys. I was so mortified that the whole week I kept asking my friends if I seemed to "roll that way" in other people's eyes. I decided I hadn't been wearing enough pink and dressed up like a girly girl the entire week. My friends got extremely annoyed with me.
3. As stated before, bathrooms switch places on me constantly. It's getting quite old.
4. A couple years ago my older sister and I went to Lagoona Beach over the summer. We were swimming and having a good 'ol time when my sister decided she wanted to go on the long tall white slides. I was kinda freaked out but I went with her anyway. My sister went on one I went on the other to race. As I was going down I felt something weird happening to my swimsuit top. (I wear a two piece suit) When I got to the bottom my sister was climbing out next to me and laughing, the life guard in front of us was just gaping and that's when it registered that my top wasn't on correctly. I have never gone back since.
5. I was walking into the local Wal-mart with a friend of mine and being the devious person I am, I tried to trip him. I ended up tripping myself in the process and fell flat on my face in the entrance of Wal-mart. Right in front of McDonalds. (Boy a chicken wrap sounds good to me right now!) I insisted that we leave. I don't think I ended getting what I went there for.
6. At Olive Garden I accidentally flung a server's tip into a guest's plate of food. I wanted to seriously die. The lady was nice and laughed about it. She thought I was hilarious.
7. My best friend Erica and I passed this naked guy with only an inner tube dancing on the side of the road. I didn't believe that he was naked so we turned around and drove by him slowing down to take a picture. He really was. Ha ha! He even posed for the picture. I still have it.
8. So I had this incident happen at work which totally mortified me. I was at Old Navy and goofing off with a fellow employee doing karate chops, roundhouses ect. Well, when I was passing this employee I meant to hit him on his back but I totally missed -and he's pretty tall- so I ended up smacking him on his butt. My managers were there and everything! I was so humiliated. I started to apologize profusely, my face all the while turning even more red then it started out to be. He was all "Gee Missy! I never expected that from you!" The rest of the night every time he passed me he would turn slightly and cover himself. I was mortified. I'm never going to live it down.
9. My manager at the Olive Garden played a prank on me once in revenge because I like to pull pranks a lot ton them. So he retaliated and told me-handing me A1 sauce- that table 223 needed the steak sauce. I nodded and went to what I thought was table 223-it wasn't. So I asked this table if they needed the sauce and they looked at me like I'd grown another head, or was high. (They hadn't even gotten their bread sticks yet, so there was nothing on their table.) They told me, "What are we going to do? Lick it off the table?" I left very quickly realizing I had gone to the wrong table. I went to the correct table and they were leaving. Wrong table again.
I went to another table that I thought he meant-that some employees were eating at on their day off- but they didn't need it either. They started to laugh at me, and that's when realization dawned. I muttered quite angrily: 'I'm going to KILL Blake!" And stalked back to the kitchen. Blake was there cracking up saying, "Don't mess with me, I'll get you good!" I have never done anything he tells me to do since.
10. Another time when I was working at Olive Garden (It seems everything happens there now) It was near closing time and extremely slow so I started to get bored. The music was playing and I was washing some windows up in the entrance way when I started to get my groove on.
I was rockin' out doing all kinds of dances with the encouragement of some fellow Hostess friends who were dancing with me. It was loads of fun, but what I didn't realize is that they had stopped dancing and failed to mention to me that some customers were about to walk in the door. All of a sudden I hear: "Wow, is there a dance party going on here?" I freeze slowly turning and see this nice guy with his wife totally cracking up. I turned bright red and had to go to the bathroom to calm down!
That's all I can think of right now. I'll add more later. :)
Now, some of these moments may not seem that bad to the average human mind, however to me these incidents had me wishing to hide under the nearest rock. I am very weak to the feelings of guilt and embarrassment and quite often enough these emotions rule my mind at times. Remember, If you can't say something nice... don't say anything at all -or I will jump out of your closet and kill your face. :)
1. In one of my previous notes I stated that I have been mis-fortunate enough to run into a tree. That is true. However, the story behind this aught to clear up any misconception.
It happened when my entire extended Parry family went camping one summer at Starvation. (A place that had nothing to entertain children, but one small swing-set.) It was dusk and all of the cousins decided to go to the swings and go crazy. I am very competitive. Also I am a very fast runner so in order to get one of the four swings I took off followed by all my cousins: The pack.
I was so excited cause I was a ways in front and I knew I'd get my swing when I slammed into something. I was disoriented and kinda hurt when the thing I hit started to bend and I fell, hitting my nose right smack dab onto a sprinkler head. I hit it hard. I lay there waiting for the pain to hit as all my cousins rushed past me, nearly trampling me to get to the swings. When I felt the pain I very well thought I had broken my nose, so I decided to start screaming it-waking up the entire camp. My dad ended up coming over and told me "Missy your nose isn't even bleeding."
2. I had a girl at school once ask me if I was lesbian. I had never done anything to make people think something like that because I am completely attracted to guys. I was so mortified that the whole week I kept asking my friends if I seemed to "roll that way" in other people's eyes. I decided I hadn't been wearing enough pink and dressed up like a girly girl the entire week. My friends got extremely annoyed with me.
3. As stated before, bathrooms switch places on me constantly. It's getting quite old.
4. A couple years ago my older sister and I went to Lagoona Beach over the summer. We were swimming and having a good 'ol time when my sister decided she wanted to go on the long tall white slides. I was kinda freaked out but I went with her anyway. My sister went on one I went on the other to race. As I was going down I felt something weird happening to my swimsuit top. (I wear a two piece suit) When I got to the bottom my sister was climbing out next to me and laughing, the life guard in front of us was just gaping and that's when it registered that my top wasn't on correctly. I have never gone back since.
5. I was walking into the local Wal-mart with a friend of mine and being the devious person I am, I tried to trip him. I ended up tripping myself in the process and fell flat on my face in the entrance of Wal-mart. Right in front of McDonalds. (Boy a chicken wrap sounds good to me right now!) I insisted that we leave. I don't think I ended getting what I went there for.
6. At Olive Garden I accidentally flung a server's tip into a guest's plate of food. I wanted to seriously die. The lady was nice and laughed about it. She thought I was hilarious.
7. My best friend Erica and I passed this naked guy with only an inner tube dancing on the side of the road. I didn't believe that he was naked so we turned around and drove by him slowing down to take a picture. He really was. Ha ha! He even posed for the picture. I still have it.
8. So I had this incident happen at work which totally mortified me. I was at Old Navy and goofing off with a fellow employee doing karate chops, roundhouses ect. Well, when I was passing this employee I meant to hit him on his back but I totally missed -and he's pretty tall- so I ended up smacking him on his butt. My managers were there and everything! I was so humiliated. I started to apologize profusely, my face all the while turning even more red then it started out to be. He was all "Gee Missy! I never expected that from you!" The rest of the night every time he passed me he would turn slightly and cover himself. I was mortified. I'm never going to live it down.
9. My manager at the Olive Garden played a prank on me once in revenge because I like to pull pranks a lot ton them. So he retaliated and told me-handing me A1 sauce- that table 223 needed the steak sauce. I nodded and went to what I thought was table 223-it wasn't. So I asked this table if they needed the sauce and they looked at me like I'd grown another head, or was high. (They hadn't even gotten their bread sticks yet, so there was nothing on their table.) They told me, "What are we going to do? Lick it off the table?" I left very quickly realizing I had gone to the wrong table. I went to the correct table and they were leaving. Wrong table again.
I went to another table that I thought he meant-that some employees were eating at on their day off- but they didn't need it either. They started to laugh at me, and that's when realization dawned. I muttered quite angrily: 'I'm going to KILL Blake!" And stalked back to the kitchen. Blake was there cracking up saying, "Don't mess with me, I'll get you good!" I have never done anything he tells me to do since.
10. Another time when I was working at Olive Garden (It seems everything happens there now) It was near closing time and extremely slow so I started to get bored. The music was playing and I was washing some windows up in the entrance way when I started to get my groove on.
I was rockin' out doing all kinds of dances with the encouragement of some fellow Hostess friends who were dancing with me. It was loads of fun, but what I didn't realize is that they had stopped dancing and failed to mention to me that some customers were about to walk in the door. All of a sudden I hear: "Wow, is there a dance party going on here?" I freeze slowly turning and see this nice guy with his wife totally cracking up. I turned bright red and had to go to the bathroom to calm down!
That's all I can think of right now. I'll add more later. :)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sixteen random things-like radioactive monster penguins...
1. My sister made me drink out of the gutter when we were little. She also tried to make me eat some clover weed thing. (I didn't fall for that one, sadly the first one I did.)
2. I run into stationary objects frequently. Ex: Trees, sprinklers (after running into said tree) The pillars at Lone Peak (Got a fat lip and a bloody nose from that one) doors, the stone things at Kohlers and much, much more.
3. I dressed my little brother in frilly dresses that were too small for me cause he was cute in them. (and I think he secretly liked it) when he was five and I was like eight. My dad came home and asked "who is that cute little girl running around the front yard?" My mom was like, "your son." Needless to say, my dad flipped out and I no longer was allowed to dress him up.
4. I'm afraid of the dark.
5. I can out-eat my parents at Tucanoes or anywhere for that matter.
6. I have a secret love for shoes and clothes. But I'm cheating on them with purses.
7. I love shopping, but after a certain amount of time I get stressed out and all the people make me want to scream. That's about when the old ladies start flying through walls.
8. I really wanted to go to football camp, but my dad refused. When I asked for an explanation he said: "It's obvious."
9. I am currently writing 4 novels.
10. I seem to have a knack for walking into the men's restrooms more often then the girl's (on ACCIDENT) because they always seem to change places.
11. I can fall asleep anywhere at any time. No one can wake me up without backup.
12. My coworkers think I have ADHD. I haven't a clue why.
13. I do crazy things when life needs a little spice. (Warning: I bite.)
14. I've been hit by a car during drivers Ed. on Range. (Jannie did it.)
15. I love cheese.
16. I almost got kidnapped at Walmart when I was little.
2. I run into stationary objects frequently. Ex: Trees, sprinklers (after running into said tree) The pillars at Lone Peak (Got a fat lip and a bloody nose from that one) doors, the stone things at Kohlers and much, much more.
3. I dressed my little brother in frilly dresses that were too small for me cause he was cute in them. (and I think he secretly liked it) when he was five and I was like eight. My dad came home and asked "who is that cute little girl running around the front yard?" My mom was like, "your son." Needless to say, my dad flipped out and I no longer was allowed to dress him up.
4. I'm afraid of the dark.
5. I can out-eat my parents at Tucanoes or anywhere for that matter.
6. I have a secret love for shoes and clothes. But I'm cheating on them with purses.
7. I love shopping, but after a certain amount of time I get stressed out and all the people make me want to scream. That's about when the old ladies start flying through walls.
8. I really wanted to go to football camp, but my dad refused. When I asked for an explanation he said: "It's obvious."
9. I am currently writing 4 novels.
10. I seem to have a knack for walking into the men's restrooms more often then the girl's (on ACCIDENT) because they always seem to change places.
11. I can fall asleep anywhere at any time. No one can wake me up without backup.
12. My coworkers think I have ADHD. I haven't a clue why.
13. I do crazy things when life needs a little spice. (Warning: I bite.)
14. I've been hit by a car during drivers Ed. on Range. (Jannie did it.)
15. I love cheese.
16. I almost got kidnapped at Walmart when I was little.
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