My very first job when I turned 16 was in retail. And let me tell you, people are NUTS when it comes to sales and clothes. I have three years worth of great stories (that I will probably write about later) of the crap people do. I've been hit by a customer, had to babysit kids while people shopped and had some child shove all the clothes I was folding off the table and declare the pile 'his fort.'
So, I'm well accustomed to the madness that is Black Friday. But when I recently got hired at my new job at AE (which I adore by the way, I buy WAAAAYYY too many clothes because their style is on point.) I had no idea what was in store for me...
Firstly, I found out that we were open THANKSGIVING DAY AT 9PM.
Who in their right mind leaves their families and Thanksgiving Dinner food comas to GO SHOPPING ON THANKSGIVING DAY? I mean it's bad enough WalMart changed their opening time to midnight- now they opened at 6pm? COME ON.
Guys there is something seriously wrong with this.
WAKE UP AMERICA.
Don't go shopping and punch out grandmas over a TV on a day where you just gave thanks for EVERYTHING YOU ALREADY HAVE. Isn't there something a little ironic about that, or is it just me?
At first when I heard about Walmart opening I was like, wow that's stupid, really. But it didn't really create too much of a stir in my heart, because it didn't really affect me directly. But once I found out lots of stores were opening including the one I work at-I instantly felt this kind of shaky rage come over my body. It was strange. I am a Black Friday shopper right there with you (when I can wake up early enough) but taking me away from my family so you can save 50% on a shirt that you want?
NOT WORTH IT TO ME. This is MY holiday too. My family and my food coma I needed to wake up early from, so I could go cater to the American mindset of consumerism and greed.
'MURICA!!
So, I decided the world needs to see what it looks like on Black Friday from my eyes. Because IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS. So I have written an hourly account of what happened.
Enjoy :)
8:50pm: People are gathering outside the doors. More and more come. I can't help but feel like I am in the zombie apocalypse as they amass outside our doors in droves. And us, the employees, are the last human survivors. But the doors wont hold them back for long and I have been assigned to be the one to stand in the front greeting people at they walk in. I can't help but feel that I am greeting death.
I am going die.
9:00pm: Unlocked the doors and got rushed by the crowd that rampaged through. I couldn't help but feel like that sick bald kid in World War Z as he crouched, cowering and covering his head with his hands as the zombie horde surged past him.
I pray to be a Modern Moses and part the crowd.
Only a miracle of God can save me now.
10:00pm: It is complete madness. Chaos reigns here as people throw clothes rampantly. It's like a disease is spreading from person to person. The need to destroy and maim all that is organized and clean.
Nothing will survive this.
We are doomed.
11:00pm: I am so hungry I think that I may break and start trashing the place myself.
12:00am: The managers in a desperate attempt to rally the troops have brought in pizza.
Pizza is my best friend. My Thanksgiving feast. My future-my everything.
I can now continue this battle
1:00am: A fellow employee has brought dishonor on his whole family by accidentally bumping into a very grumpy Asian woman. I swear she put some kind of curse on him. I am afraid for my family as well as myself now.
Wave 2 has begun...
2:00am: I have been assigned to the fitting room as I am the only employee here with the most experience at it that is currently working. It takes two of us to continue to monitor the rooms and the piles of clothes people are leaving. I have taken it upon myself to sort and fold all the clothes in the side room adjacent to the fitting room.
2:30am: I have crawled onto this mountain of clothes in the fitting room and started weeping uncontrollably. There is no foreseeable end to this madness.
I can't get up. I need Life Alert or something.
3:00am: This mountain of clothes will never end. I will die here under this pile and they will not find my body for weeks.
This will be my funeral pyre.
Well, I've always wanted a Viking funeral!
4:00am: My energy drink has run out. I can no longer form coherent sentences. God help us.
5:15am: It is done.
I have done my duty for my country.
